I like to think I have a wide taste in music. I like pretty much everything except for screamo-metal and country, because let’s face it, there’s only so many times you can hear about killing someone or riding in your pickup truck. However, I have a dark secret. One of my guilty pleasures is pop music. I’ll listen to pretty much any of it, and most days you can find me car-aokeing to Coldplay, Rihanna or anything on the top 40. I do enjoy music, but while I do love a good sounding song, I love lyrics more. You usually don’t find the deepest songs on the top 40. Brittany usually just belts out auto tuned verses about skankin’ it up in the club and there’s only so many ways Kanye can tell us how much money he has. Nevertheless, I have never heard a sillier song than Katy Perry’s alien. It was like some song producer douchebag watched one episode of Star Trek, googled “geek terms” and wrote them all into a sad excuse for a song. I think the song is supposed to be about Katy Perry getting her freak on with an extraterrestrial, but let’s face it, this sorry excuse for an auto tuned mess is severely lacking in Reese’s Pieces. Let’s take a step back for a second and break this abomination down…
Yes…This Shall Come in Handy…
Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?
Getting a little preachy there, Katy? Apparently, Katie has yet to come to terms with extraterrestrials and questions what type of supernatural creature this could be. We already come to terms with Katie’s paranormal fetish early on in this song, but if I ever see an alien my first thought is not going to be “I wonder if I can boink that”. I think the writers were just tossing words around and settled on this, as they could now dress her in sexy angel or devil outfits. They already had fireworks shoot out of her breasts, so they were running out of ideas.
You’re not like the others. Futuristic lover
Okay….now he’s not only an alien, he’s from the future. Clearly, even anyone who’s seen an episode of “The Big Bang Theory” can see how this is all shades of wrong. Maybe she is so dumb that she’s measuring light years in time? Maybe she just doesn’t care because she knows every over tanned Snookie wanna-be is going to be grinding to this song in the club, raking her in enough spaceships full of money to keep supporting her blue hair dye habit? Nevertheless, I doubt she understands or cares.
This Song Totally Gets Me, Brah!
You’re from a whole ‘nother world. A different dimension
Ok, I’m officially lost now. Now, according to the song, Katy is boinking a time traveling extraterrestrial from a different dimension? Wow, that’s like every plot of Star Trek, Dr. Who, Firefly and House all wrapped into one. Clearly, the people that wrote this song do not give a rat’s ass.
This Shit’s Even Crazy for Me!
Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison
Really? Seriously, this is a line? Anyone ever see the movie Splice? No? Ok, I did, and I’m pretty sure that’s where they got this line. Mulder and Scully should be all over Katy, taking some cultures of her hoo-ha, because that shit just got gross. This is the best the writers came up with? I would have loved to have seen Katy’s face when she read the lyrics to this song.
And That’s Where McNuggets Come From!
Wanna be a victim. Ready for abduction
People complained about Rihanna’s S&M for being too violent and graphic. This song is all about probing, and infecting, and abducting and probing. This must not count because it’s an alien. Or a time traveler…or something. I know Katie’s a freak, but this is well over the limit of what Mr. Brand was even capable of. No wonder she divorced his ass. Maybe she has a deformed, alien fetish. However, that would explain their marriage in the first place…
I Told You Luv, I’m Sober Now, I’m Not Doing That Anymore!
I wish there were more lyrics to go over, but that pretty much sums it up. This is just an atrocity of a song and just shows how simple it is for a known star to top the charts with drivel. I know I’m guilty of loving crappy songs, but this is just an insult to the music world. I can’t honestly form a joke that would do this atrocity justice. I’ve never been a huge fan of Katy, but her stuff was catchy and fun. Fluff. That’s all. She even did a song with Snoop, so she can’t be all bad. I just wish the people that wrote this song tried…even a little bit. It’s not hard. Even the title, E.T. Come on. Spielberg’s career is rolling in it’s grave just knowing this thing exists. Even worse, he may get a new movie idea from it…he could team up with Lucas again…I can see it now. Star Wars 7: California Alien Girls. Luke scrumps with a Twi’lek from the future…and a different dimension?! His other-dimensional bride gives birth to Jar Jar Binks, who must then travel back in time and cause the senate to approve the chancellor’s power, setting the course for the Star Wars movies to be made! Brilliant! I should move to L.A….
Meesa Ruin Everytin’!