I love me some internets, it’s a great thing.  It provides us with endless entertainment, funny memes and silly cat videos.  However, since the internet became a thing, and people relied on it more and more, life got out of hand.  Things got all topsy turvey, and with most things, people ruined it.  I remember a time when the internet didn’t exist.  Growing up, I had to play with toys, use my imagination, and actually go outside.  Things were scary back then.  Nowadays, if a kid comes home and doesn’t log on to WOW, or Call of Duty, or Hello Kitty online or whatever the hell girls do, he or she is viewed as an outcast.

Sorry, I’m Just Really Happy I Just Remembered These Existed

The internet provided a place for all the normal outcasts and dregs of society to have an outlet.  These people that go through life ridiculed and humiliated at every turn have a certain rage inside of them.  Enter the troll.  These horrible people think it’s okay to put down, demean, and insult anonymously because there are no repercussions.  You’ll find them in every forum, every online video game, and every chat room.  While their complete lack of social skills and annoyance with the general human race has caused them to become outcasts in the social norm, these failures find solace in the fact that they can do whatever they want in the vast world of the internet.

Ackbar Makes Everything Better

I understand.  I really do.  While I know not all trolls and internet douchebags are angsty teenagers, a vast majority of them are.  They throw out racial slurs over the headset to their teammates.  They pound mountain dew while screaming obscenities in general chat because their dps is leet, while others may not be as good.  This concept is foreign to me.  I don’t understand the hate, or why people get so angry to the point of causing people emotional harm.  I know the whole “it’s the internet, who cares” thing comes into effect, but seriously, what’s the point?  Why do these people feel the need to do this?  What switch goes off in the human brain that causes people to think this kind of behavior is okay.  Old crotchety news people blame bad parenting, violent video games and President Obama, but I honestly don’t know.  I’ve been around son, and I’ve been through stuff just like all of you.  Let’s take a trip back…shall we?

Listen to Me!  I Have a Moustache!

Back before GPete was the sexy, GPete was the awkward, fat, and socially awkward.  GPete was the butt of 90% of his school’s jokes and every day I loathed going to school.  I sucked it up and smiled.  I bared with life, because everyone has different challenges they have to partake.  But not once did I feel the need to lash out and make someone feel like a steaming pile of feces.  You know why?  Because I know what it felt like.  I would never wish that feeling upon anyone.  I don’t know, maybe that was my super power.  Unending patience.  I’ve dealt with a lot of shit, still do, but I never gave up and I sure as shit never go online and troll the forums to anonymously trash someone’s opinion.

Just Try and Out DPS the Emperor LOL Pwnt!

I get it, kids have it rough nowadays.  I’ve hit this subject before.  It doesn’t end for kids now.  The common dork wakes up, goes to school, gets shit all day, comes home, gets shit online, then goes to bed and does it all over the next day.  In a time where “It gets better” is so ingrained in society, and suicide and bullying is everywhere in the news, I wish to pose a question.  Why hasn’t it gotten better?  Is it okay for people to play nice in school, but as soon as they get home, become the tough keyboard cowboy?  Is bullying not okay unless it’s anonymous?  Did someone forget to plug that rule?  Technicalities my friends.  No one can be nice all the time.  Hell, I know I’m not.  There’s a fine line between not taking crap and being a douchebag.  No one likes it.  No one likes you when you’re acting like a fool.  So I ask one simple thing.  If you’re reading this, and you find yourself in a position where you are going to partake in some idiotic trolling.  Think.  Stop yourself and think how you would feel.  Sure, maybe the person you’re about to unleash on is a fool.  Maybe their spelling or grammar equals that of a third grade student who ate too much paste in his earlier years.  Maybe they missed that head shot, and dude, that sucks, but it’s life.  If you’re going to get that worked up about a game, or a comment, or a meme, than you’re in for some serious disappointment down the road.  When your boss tells you a project you completed was wrong.  When a police officer pulls you over for driving 5 miles over the speed limit.  Are you going to trash talk then?  Chances are if you do, you’ll get fired, or given a more expensive ticket, or get an ass kicking.  And you know what?  You’ll deserve it.  Life is full of annoyances that can’t be solved with racial slurs and DPS meters.  You want it to get better?  Man up and be a part of the solution, not the problem.

It’s geek week!  In correspondence with my good friends at Five and Dime Comics, I am going to keep the party going in the best way I can, ridicule and name calling!  The word geek is thrown around so much lately, especially with the new found fad of being a geek, which I touched upon in a previous post.  However, many people are ignorant to the fact that there are many kinds of geeks.  “But that’s impossible!”, you may say, “I’ve seen many a mouth breather, Greg, and they’re all the same!”  Nay! Faithful reader, you have much to learn.  There are geeks, dorks and nerds, many of which have their own subcategories.  I myself am a geek, and have been since I was a wee little sexy GPete.  Here are my top three favorite types of geeks:

3.) The Internet Geek

But Moooooommmm, he made fun of my Night Ellllffff!!!

This can break down into many subclasses, but I will make a generalized topic for you, so you don’t get to overwhelmed.  The internet geek is that person that hides behind a computer screen, talking in 1337 speak, peacocking around the internets to make up for everything he or she lacks in life.  This geek can be a dangerous one, as they have a tendency to take out their own life follies on the less fortunate online.  While most geeks are witty and smart, they lack the social skills to take advantage of that in the real world.  Hiding behind a keyboard helps with this, and lets the internet geek run free in the wild fields of the world wide web.  This geek trolls around forums, on World of Warcraft and other online games.  You can spot this geek making Chuck Norris jokes in the Barrens chat, or being the first one to point out your DPS is shitty compared to his 1337 facerolling hunter.

I Also Did Your Mom…Just Sayin’

This geek will take any advantage of the other feeble quiet geeks online who have yet to embrace the online douchebaggery.  These geeks are the elite football players of the internet.  While they endure the same pants ripping wedgies at school as normal geeks, they take their frustrations out online, making other people feel as shitty as they do.  This is a dangerous geek that other geeks often look down on, because nobody likes a troll.  Remember that, you acne ridden freak when you wake up sobbing in your crisco soaked pillow.  Your DPS may be better, but you will never touch the warm flesh of a female body. 

Psh, Who Needs the Prom, I Can Slow Dance with My Desktop N00b

2.) Card Game Geeks

This is Funny on So Many Levels…Although 4 Power is a Bit Much…

This is one of my personal favorites.  I’ve played every card game under the sun competitively, even Yu Gi Oh!  I know, I’m just as ashamed.  I revel in competition, and this is where it’s at.  Card game geeks are mostly nice people that are always willing to give you a pickup game.  When you play competitively, you find the ones that are too good for their own good.  They start to dwell in the Internet Geek range, and many of them double dip.  I like card game geeks because, while elitist, they are always willing to lend a hand and engage in a hour long geek conversation, even if it is to explain to you how shitty you played and why they are better than you. 

JUST ATTACK ME!!!

These geeks do love a good game, and they are fierce.  I’ve made many friends in this circle of geeks, but there are a select few that are just terrible people.  Depending on the game you play, you get a bigger range of people.  I used to be a Gym Leader for my local Pokemon league when I was 16, and I look back at that time fondly.  I taught so many kids how to play and I loved it.  Card games help kids that otherwise have a hard time making friends have a gateway to a group.  Just don’t be a douchebag.  I’m just saying. 

1.) Comic Book Geeks

Worst. Stereotype. Ever.

Aaaahhh my all time favorite.  There is honestly nothing bad I can say about this kind of geek.  They are some of the friendliest, nicest people I have ever met.  My best friends are comic geeks, and while I pale in comparison in comic knowledge, I like to think of myself as a comic geek.  A comic geek is someone that is very passionate, and will have discussions about stories, arcs or characters for hours.  Debating comic books is once of my favorite past times.  Debates such as whose power is shittier?  What is better, Marvel or DC? (Marvel) and why does everyone hate Jubilee? run rampant in comic stores and parent’s basements across the world.  The comic geek has become the most well known geek as of late, with super hero movies being cranked out faster than Wolverine titles.  While many comic geeks are not too happy with this, I embrace it.  Let the normal people have fun with it, maybe then our kind will find acceptance.  Once day we will be viewed as gods!  Not En Sabah Nur gods, but still! 

Research Was Clearly Not Done Since They’re Buying an Issue of Red Robin…

All in all, geeks are good people.  Deep down they’ve been made fun of, tormented and wedgied just like all of us.  Before you knock it, try it.  If all you’ve ever known in life is football, beer and women, pick up a comic, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.  Everyone has a vice, and comics are just that.  I look forward to Wednesday every week.  (New comic day to all you non-geeks).  It breaks up the week and makes the day even more special.  So next time you’re about to make fun of that acne ridden mouth breather, take a deep breath and try talking to them.  Everyone has a little geek deep within them, and I don’t mean Ant Man, heeeyyyooo. 

Damn Bubbles!