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This is probably the funniest thing I have ever watched!

Sorry it’s been so long faithful readers!  I’ve had so many topics I’ve wanted to blog about with no time to do it.  I’ll keep tonight light and easy as I have wanted to do another movie review, and I’m away for work and typing this up on my laptop…

I saw the movie: Mama the other day, and after seeing the previews and hearing some hype, I was pretty excited to dive into a fluff piece PG-13 horror movie.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen a good horror movie, so I had high hopes for this one.

Before I get the review started, I want to touch about something. The producer of this movie is Guillermo Del Toro, resident creature creator and all around jolly dude.  I can’t call this guy one of my heroes, but he’s an all around genius when it comes to creature creation.  This man knows creepy ass creatures so well, when he farts it sounds like a girl shrieking.  It takes a lot to get me freaked out at a movie, and Mr. Del Toro wrecked me with Pan’s Labyrinth, one of my favorite movies of all time.  That weird ass eyeless,  uncircumcised penis of a monster in the dining hall ravaged my psyche like no other creature I’ve seen in a movie before.  

“Pants-Crappingly Creepy Since 2006”

That being said, while Mama was not a terrible movie, Guillermo Del Toro putting his name on it was like me producing The Scorpion King and giving it my mythological stamp of approval.  Maybe he just needed a paycheck? Maybe he honestly thought it was a good idea.  I won’t even attempt to understand how the man thinks.  That being said…here we go.

“Safety”

Mama…any movie with children doing creepy things is an auto creep out for me.  So it had that.  The small girl who played the little sister was a masterpiece.  Either this girl has more acting talent than half of Hollywood at age 4, or the bitch needs some serious mental counseling.  That being said, the horror ended there.  I didn’t openly laugh at the movie, and the acting wasn’t terrible…it just wasn’t…believable?  I guess that’s the word.  Without ruining the “plot”…something happens where the dad kills the mom and a bunch of people, kidnaps the kids and goes on an Oxycontin fueled drive through the snow off a cliff.  The come out unscathed (?????? seriously the car careened off a cliff), and they take up residence in a house that screams “I’M FUCKING HAUNTED DON’T COME IN HERE!!!” The dad makes the abrupt decision to murder his kids.  The crazy ghost lady doesn’t like this and eats the dad’s neck.  Go ghost lady.

“Copyright Infringement”

The kids are rescued by their uncle who hires a team of hicks to track the kids down.  After five years (and his entire savings) he completes his task and adopts them (much to the chagrin of the evil step aunt or something???) Uncle Man Child and his punk rocker girlfriend adopt the kids and move to the country free of charge through the kid’s psychiatrist.  Creepy stuff happens because obviously the Ghost Lady (who is obviously a crazy dead mental patient with moth powers) follows them home.  She tosses the Uncle down the stairs putting him in a coma and leading the girlfriend to shed her crazy tattoo’d ways and take care of the girls herself.  I call BS here.  Everything leading up to this moment showed this girl peacing out at the first sign of trouble.  Nope, and it was actually kind of touching.  She had a lot of tender non creepy moments with the girls.

“Don’t Google Image ‘Creepy Mom Moments’”

Everything from here is pretty predictable.  People die.  The girls fight with everyone.  The epic showdown with “Mama”…dead baby and all.  I don’t even know.  The plot just sort of gave up by this point.  The family is torn apart…and without giving away the ending, Mama was not happy and there was no happy ending….especially for the dead baby.  

“How Do You Make a Dead Baby Float?”

I want to reiterate, this movie was not bad.  But it wasn’t good.  Would I tell someone to skip it? No, I was entertained throughout the entire movie, and it definitely was not A TRAP!  However, the digital graphics were pretty lame and seeing what Guillermo Del Toro did years previously, this was a big disappointment for me.  I’m pretty sure the graphic artists got drunk and drew mama on Microsoft Paint.  If someone actually invested some money in the movie, it would have been 100 times better.  However, in typical Hollywood fashion, they threw 15 mil at the movie, recouped the entire thing in the opening weekend, and laughed all the way to the bank.

Final Grade: B-

Folks, we have a problem.  A problem of dire consequences.  Something so terrible, it may change the world.  Woman will gasp, children will be beaten, and middle aged, single men everywhere will weep like acne ridden, overweight teenagers on prom night.  My friends, I bring to you, THE BACON SHORTAGE.  

I woke up yesterday to my Facebook news feed blowing up, people posting links to my wall of this inevitable bacon famine.  England posted statistics I could not even fathom, about how droughts and some crap about corn was causing pig prices to skyrocket, and with it, a bacon shortage.  I didn’t want to believe it.  I started going through the five phases of grief.  I was sad…I was angry…I didn’t believe it.  Then I laughed about it, realizing that something would be done to halt this atrocity from making it to our shores.  Then…it happened.  I lashed out.  The route of the problem came full circle and I realized who was to blame.  You.  Yes, you, you filthy, bacon hipster!  Let’s sit back and take a moment to reflect on how you’ve all but ruined everything good in the world.

NO ONE TOUCH MY STASH!!!

As I’ve said many times before, I hate bacon posers.  I grew up plowing through bacon like most kindergarteners plow through paste.  I will dare to say no one loves bacon more than I, and I will be the first to defend my title against anyone.  I enjoy bacon, nay I love bacon like a close friend.  Then, slowly, it happened.  The bacon fad caught on, and pigs were being slaughtered by the millions so people could create bacon cupcakes, bacon sundaes, and bacon flavored condoms.  You sick freaks.  You disgust me.  Do you realize what you’ve done???  Bacon is NOT a renewable resource!  At least not at the rates we are consuming it in this unholy fashion.  While we waste pigs making pork, various Subway sandwiches, and pickled pig’s feet, I’m sure the bacon boom has all but ruined the market.  We can’t keep up with it.  While it was fine for a while, the inevitable drought or pig riot or whatever the hell was going to happen happened, and now we are all but screwed.  Pigapocalypse is knocking at our doors.

Like This But Much More Delicious

While my lashing out will do nothing, we need to work together as a pig loving community to save this valuable resource.  People, hear my call.  When you get the urge to make cupcakes…just use frosting.  There is no need to add bacon.  When you want a chocolate bar, eat a goddamn Hershey bar.  When you want mayonnaise…use Helman’s…don’t use baconnaisse.  It isn’t worth it.  I’ll be damned if I go to an all you can eat buffet and not be able to walk away with two heaping plates of breakfast bacon because some food snob decided to make a bacon cake.  You sick freak.  Join together people.  Lets stop this madness and get back to our roots.  Bacon is for topping burgers…and putting in sandwiches…and eating with pancakes.  Stop it.  Stop it before it is too late.  For God’s Sake…think of the children!

***This blog was written as a joke, I know the facts and know that everything I wrote above is mostly pure BS.  Still, you bacon posers make me sick***

So I was totally thinking of old school sitcoms today as usual and had an awesome idea. What would be your ideal sitcom family??? Copy the below and enter in your answers. Tag your friends that share our love of awesome, old school television! Anyone that doesn’t include Winnie Cooper in some way is dead to me :).

Father: Carl Winslow

Mother: Norma Arnold

Older Sibling: Samantha Micelli

Younger Sibling: Ashley Banks

Grandfather: Papouli

Grandmother: Estelle “Grandma” Winslow

Annoying Neighbor: Kimmy Gibbler

Best Friend: Waldo Geraldo Faldo

Butler: Jeffery (Obviously)

Next Door Neighbor Crush: WINNIE COOPER!

Favorite Teacher: Mr. Feeney

Least Favorite Teacher: Coach Ed Cutlip

Parent’s Best Friend Sadly Living With Us: Joey “Cut, It, Out” Gladstone

Pet: Comet

Well it’s been a bit, I’ve been super busy and I finally have a night to sit down and write.  I am dvr’ing the Voice right now so I can watch it commercial free later.  Eat it corporate sponsors!  I toyed with a few topics for the night, but I thought I would take the serious route.  Life’s been getting me a bit down lately, and I found myself, like many others, wishing they had a second chance on some things.  Ever wonder what would happen if you knew back then what you know now?  Jeez, would I make some changes.  For one, I’d totally stalk Danica McKellar, since her choice in men is clearly horrible, I would have had quite the shot.  But, alas, there is no reset button in life.  No matter how much we wish it, holding down that gray button on the old school Nintendo when you fail at something in life won’t make any difference.  Except when hunting ducks or dropping Mario in a pit on your last life.  Old Skool Nintendo represent!  So here’s a few things I’d change…

Kill YOOOUUUU!!!

Degree

I love my Anthropology degree, love love love it.  I know so much random crap about random crap, it’s stupid.  As I’ve said before, it’s a great conversation piece, and helps a lot while watching Jeopardy or the Discovery Channel with friends, but it hasn’t done two craps for me in my life.  Yes, having a degree has helped me get a good job, but if I actually focused it in something useful, I could be much farther in life than I am now.  I love computers and techy stuff.  That would have been great.  Politics, advertising, writing, hell even ::shudder:: business.  But, alas, 18 year old Greg really wanted to dig up ancient artifacts and talk about mythology in every goddamn paper he wrote.  I would go back and smack myself in the face and make myself change my major.  I could still study the stuff I loved, in fact I would probably know the same amount of stuff.  I just wouldn’t be mocked at job interviews EVERY GODDAMN TIME, when they ask what I was thinking when I got my Anthropology degree.  

My Nephew Majored in Anthropology…You Know Where He Is?  Dead.

Eating Habits

When you’re a kid, you are told to eat your vegetables, hold off on the cookies and not eat an entire pizza by yourself.  A pox on that my friends.  My eating habits are so terrible, the mom from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo would shake her head at me.  Dear young Greg: “Eat a goddamn salad you fat piece of crap, it won’t kill you.  No, it will not taste like delicious meat, but your colon and your heart need it.”  Changing eating habits at 30 years old is like detoxing.  You come to crave crappy foods.  If I have a rough day, I’ll be on a Hershey bar faster than a hormonal, emotional, stereotypical girl whose boyfriend just dumped her for a supermodel.  I love me some chocolate.  When faced with choices for dinner, I pick meat.  I don’t care how that meat comes, and my only decisions are chicken or beef, and “Can I put bacon on that”.  Living this lifestyle is rough, and I am making little changes to better my eating habits so my heart doesn’t explode in a blind ball of heated grease and fury.  It also requires me to work out two hours a night for at least four to five days a week so I don’t chub up again.  Each day I don’t stop at McDonald’s after working out for two hours is a small victory.  It’s like goddamn trench warfare, and my heart is getting boot rot.  That was gross, I’m sorry, I was trying to make a World War 1 reference.

Be Thankful I Gave You This and Not the Picture for “Boot Rot”

College

This is way different from my degree.  This is also the most important.  I would be set if I took the time to research college and how it would affect me in my future.  Firstly, I would not have went to a goddamn 110,000 dollar private school.  What the hell.  Student loans are the devil.  I am disgusted with how this country treats its newly crowned “adults”. Now I’m not saying people shouldn’t pay for school.  This is a huge debate right now, and I won’t go way into detail, but you know what would solve most of it?  Education.  When I was applying for colleges, my useless guidance counselor said, “yeah, this one’s good…go here”.  Stupid 17 year old Greg went “Yeah!  College!” and signed my life away.  Student loan companies circle innocent, idiotic 17 and 18 year olds like sharks.  They never explain, or at least they didn’t to me, what having student loans entail.  They never told me the breakdown, or what I would have to pay when I graduate, or that these bastards would be following me around like a mortgage for a long, loooonnnggg time.  If I could have a do over…just one, it would be for this.  The debate and problems in this country would be all but over if kids were just taught what it meant.  No one should trust a 17 or 18 year old with a decision like this.  It’s horrible.  The system is flawed and it has caused so much of the problems in this country right now.  Everyone deserves to better themselves, n matter their background, family, or past.  If someone wants to honestly give it a go, they should be educated on how.  Not thrown a bunch of paperwork from some smirking a-hole probably making 15 bucks an hour to lure teenagers to their financial doom.  I’m getting pissed off just thinking of it all again.  

Just Sign on the Line and Leave Your Balls at the Door!

Well, that’s my beef.  Could have…should have…would have.  Unfortunately, my friends, life does not have a reset button, or a redo, or a gentleman’s mulligan in mini golf.  I wish it did, but if wishes were like assholes, we’d all have the runs.  Ha, that was good.  Anyways, that’s that.  One day I’ll figure it out, until then, I’m stuck here, writing a semi-famous Internet blog for the masses, eating double cheeseburgers and telling stories of Greek gods at parties.  That’s right ladies, I’m single.  Come and get some.

I usually don’t like making overdone memes, but my friend said something along this line earlier and I had to make it, bahahaha!

I also wanted to unleash my newest meme tonight.  Fly free new Bane Meme, set fire to the internet with your virally goodness!

So I had no idea what to write about tonight, so I visited a random blog topic generator.  I was determined to write tonight, as I’ve been slacking lately.  I was trying to think of something funny, but even someone as hilarious as me couldn’t think of anything that I hadn’t already made fun of today.  The GOP, Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne…Roger Clemens…? Meh…it’s all been done today.  So I pulled up the generator, and it told me to write about the need for love.  God dammit!  That’s not funny at all.  That’s actually a touchy, emotional subject for me!  How dare this encrypted, endless subject generating site tell me to write about that!  The internet gods are not happy with me today, my friends.  Deep breath.  I’ll man up.  I’ll toss out a gut wrenching, hopeful, tear jerker of a blog.  Maybe.

Too Easy…

The need for love.  I could go on about the different types of love: love of your children, love of your hobbies, your work, crazy cat lady love, but no, I’m sucking this up.  Let’s not beat around the bush. (Teehee).  Relationships sucka.  Let’s do this.

I’ve been in my fair share of relationships, and while they did not work out (obviously), I do not regret any of them.  Of all the women I dated, two have made a dynamic impact on my life.  The first was a great friend but a horrible relationship.  I was mostly to blame for that, I was young and selfish and it should have ended years before it actually did.  It got to the point where neither of us could barely stand to have a conversation with the other, and when the relationship ultimately ended, both of us went our separate ways and never spoke again.  I often think of her, and the good times we had.  My one regret was ruining one of the best friendships I ever had.  The second was more recent, and what led me to the emotionless husk of a man that I am today.  Again, no regrets, because I do not throw the word “love” around lightly, and I can honest to God say I experienced true love for the first time in my life.  While I was deeply saddened the relationship ended, it was inevitable and for the best.  I was proud of myself in that relationship, because I tried.  I tried with every fiber of my being, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t the best damn boyfriend in the world.  That’s true love my friends, when you go out of your way to please someone.  When you can make someone happy, and that simple act means the world to you.  I know one day I’ll meet the next girl that will have this same impact on my life, and the whole “omg emo emo emo” that is me right now will fade away, just like it has many times before.  

DAAAWWWWWW!!!!

The lessons love taught me were all great, and I would not be the person I am today because of it.  But that’s off topic.  This is about the need for love.  I wasn’t dodging the topic, I was leading up to it.  Love is like a drug, as cliche as that is.  Once you experience it, you crave it.  As a man, I’m not supposed to talk about my feelings, or be emotional, or any of that crap.  Poo on that my friends, poo on that.  I’m one of the sappiest people in the world, a romantic, and someone who believes love finds every person in it’s own way.  I grew up watching the Wonder Years, Boy Meets World, Dawson’s Creek and countless other shows that gave me inflated expectations of love.  In my mind, Ms. Right would walk into me on the street one day, our eyes would meet and we would fall instantly in love.  That may have happened, but after I walked into her, she cursed me out and went on her merry way.  Life has a way of bitch slapping the truth into you, and while you can hope, and dream, and pray…you need to give destiny a little push.  When I hit 25, and Winnie Cooper still didn’t track me down to confess her undying love for me…I kind of gave up.  So I decided I needed to try more.  I’m a horrible example of this, as I almost never go talk to women, or make the first move.  Dammit, if you want this sexy, you got to work for it!  This is 2012, women!

SERIOUSLY, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME???!!!

I believe people need love.  I believe it is a constant in every culture in the world.  Whether people admit it or not, or fight it, or downright deny it, love is there, and human beings crave it.  Whether you’re emotional or not, single people see the happiness and sadness of couples and yearn for it.  The constant of having a significant other is unlike anything else you can experience, and it is one of the most intricate things that make us human.  Dating is a horrible, horrible thing.  It’s like playing the lottery.  Most dates end in failure, but at least you have a story to tell…and boy do I have some stories.  However, if you’re lucky enough, there is that .00001% chance that it will work out…and one date leads to another…and another…and that leads to Facebook relationship status changes…and that leads to anniversaries…and marriage…and babies…and the eventual plot of freshly groomed soil where you get to spend eternity in next to the rotting remains of your loved one!  Romantic huh???!!!

Fooorreeevvveerrrr

This was a fun exercise for me…but I don’t think I’ll be using the blog generator anymore.  My skills are better suited to making people laugh and reviewing terrible movies.  While I do enjoy the occasional gushfest, this was rough.  I do believe there is a common need for love in everyone’s life…I just don’t think it needs to be defined.  Everyone goes through life differently, and hopefully along the way you will find that special someone to walk that path with.  Or find lots of bacon…because we all know…

I Only Need One, Baby…

As I’ve said before, a lot of annoying and disgusting things happen at the gym.  How these people function on a day to day basis is beyond me, but what you do on your own time is your business.  I would like to think when the man with the sewer cover sized man boobs eats a steak, he grunts as loud as he does when he’s power lifting.  I’m not even going to imagine what the sex is like.  My best bet is it includes a mirror, a weight lifting belt and a shit ton of Alli.  He gets a lot more than oily discharge from that stuff.  So anyways!  Here is a few more atrocities that I notice on a daily basis at my gym.  Hopefully (or not) you can relate to these abominations, and I’m not the only one shaking my head in disgust.

The Machine Ninja

“I think I’ll work on my abs”, I say to myself as I peel my sweaty self off the treadmill after a half hour long death run.  I check out the one sit up machine we have…empty.  Victory!  I quickly turn and clean off my machine and skip over to the ab cruncher with happiness…lo and behold, 90 year old man reading a nook.  Where did he even come from?  Did he materialize out of thin air?  Did the old man stork just drop me off a bundle of geriatric joy???  Nope.  I’ve just been machine ninja’d.  Now this wouldn’t bother me so much if the dude just did his workout and got off…but no.  Machine ninjas are a wily bunch, and feel the need to read, answer text messages, or just stare longingly into the distance, reminiscing of days gone by while other people line up in utter annoyance to use their machine.

Remember That Time I Did One Situp…?

The ninja sits there quietly, doing a few reps…stopping…drinking an entire bottle of water…twenty minutes later, after everyone left in anger, saunters off to another machine to monopolize.  

Band Aids

Ok, I’m Ready to Do Some Laps!

I’m a swimmer.  I love swimming.  I never consider it exercise.  I jump on in and start swimming my laps, happier then a fish…in water…I don’t know.  I dive under water and SMACK!  Band Aid.  Right in the face.  I jump up in horror and open my eyes as an entire tide of Hello Kitty and Spongebob band aids come washing by me.  Have the goddamn common decency to take off your band aid before you go swimming.  The last thing I want is to have your crusty old blood smack me in my bare skin.  I don’t care how much chlorine is in the pool, once a band aid hits you, it’s over.  Any good that came of that day was just flushed down the toilet.  That’s a dirty that just doesn’t wash off, my friends.  

My pool is littered with children.  My gym likes to make a supplemental income teaching swimming lessons.  Usually it isn’t a problem, the occasional brown floater, the unseen tides of urine washing through the filters…but I can get past all of that.  Band aids…they stay.  They float on the bottom of the pool, waiting for the unsuspecting swimmer to pass by, and with a simple stroke of the arm are scooped up from the black depths of the pool’s floor and right into face range on the way back.

Gah!

Hocking Up Loogies

I Have Used SO MANY Amy Winehouse Pics On This Blog…

After ripping the used band aid off my face, I jump out of the pool in a fit of dry heaves and uncontrollable shaking.  I run to the shower and scrub as I might, I’m still unclean.  As I stand there, soaking in the hot water, I step in something mushy.  Something…wet.  I look down to see a yellow and white glob of lung butter some asshole deposited on the bottom of the shower.  Then…I hear it.  Like mating calls on the Serengeti, men start their deep throaty yells.  I’m not sure when it became an acceptable trait in nature to deposit your lung juice in a public shower, but it has come about in full force.  Expelling pounds of loogies on the shower floor, men are hacking up goo all around me.  I can’t speak for the Shangri La that is the women’s locker room, but the men’s is just unbearable.

NO!

It doesn’t end in the shower.  As the hot steam of the sauna fills men’s lungs…or as they brush their hair and blow dry their pubes over the sink, they expel more and more phlegm.  I want to set up these dudes with a doctors appointment, because this is clearly not healthy.  I would bet that half of these guys don’t even work out, they just lose weight by expelling fat directly from their air ways.  Now there’s an idea for a diet…

I Came In First!!!

It is very sad. Not the movie. Not at all…well the scene where Alfred either confesses his undying love for Bruce Wayne…or his loyalty…I don’t know, I was confused about that. I’ve never seen a heterosexual man break up before. What was sad was the ending of the Batman trilogy. I never understood why people stop at three. Only the good movies stop at three…while movies like the Fast and the Furious and Step Up! keep making horrid sequels that six people in the world keep dishing out 85 million dollars to see. Come on people, not even The Rock can make that trash watchable, and he can do no wrong in my eyes. Sidetracked…sorry. As we all know, I’m not a huge fan of DC. Eight eye gougingly horrible Superman movies and fun yet storyline lacking Green Lantern later, DC kept me going with the Batman movies. While I’ve never been a huge fan of Christian Bale, he did a marvelous job in the role and the movies were as intense as they were spectacular. Let’s see where this Batman fell in the good vs. bad.

Here Master Wayne…Have Another One…

The Bad

My biggest qualm with this movie was the horrible political overtone. Using the “Occupy” movement as a storyline…but not? I understood what they wanted to do there, but in my eyes, it fell short. However, no one ever addressed Batman/Bruce Wayne as a billionaire out of touch with the common man before. Hell, correct me if I’m wrong (and I probably am, as my DC comic knowledge is far inferior to my Marvel comic knowledge), but no one ever really challenged the whole “Batman is rich” thing. It was just accepted. Bruce Wayne made tons of money…so what? So does Lex Luthor. So does Angel. Hell, so does Iron Man. These super heroes/villains made their names/armor/super power strictly from throwing money at problems and no one ever batted an eyelash. How many times did the X-Mansion or Avenger’s tower blow up…? Meh, Worthington Industries got this ya’ll. Shit! Avenger’s Tower was just sucked into the negative zone! Tony! Write a check please! So while this was a stretch, it could have been handled better.

But Not My Wallet!  Teehee!

Another issue I had, which wasn’t huge, but it made it kind of funny in a “this shouldn’t be funny and it is not what the director is going for” kind of way was Bane’s voice. I’m sure you all heard it a million times, but Bane sounded like a cross between Sean Connery and a 1800’s English businessman. I’ve been talking like him ever since in casual conversation with my friends. I think I’ve used the line - “I was wondering what would break first, your ___ or your ___” in every situation possible. It was so creepy it was funny. I’m not sure if that’s how it was supposed to come across, but it did. I know Bane as a Spanish speaking huge ass villian, that pumps himself full of venom to get huge. None of that happened in the movie. I don’t know if I’m disappointed or impressed with the unique take. Either way, I’m keeping this in the bad category because there isn’t much else.

Yesh!  The Day Ish Mine!

The Good

Joseph Gordan Levitt. This man is amazing. Each movie I see him in he impresses me more. His subtle “Robin” role was magnificent, and he was such an integral part of the movie, without the audience even knowing it.   I still remember him from his “3rd Rock from the Sun” days…then he disappeared…only to resurface in 500 Days of Summer and GI Joe…and he was amazing.  Inception…wow.  I don’t even know what happened in that movie…except Joseph rocked my world and there was a top or something.  But yeah, this kid rocked.

Bane vs. Batman.  There wasn’t a lot of fighting in this movie.  I know a lot of you went, whhaaaaaattt!!!??  But compared to other super hero movies, there wasn’t. But that’s okay, because that’s not what Batman is about.  Batman is a goddamn detective people, he he detectived (?) the crap out of this place.  The fighting was amazing, and when Bane broke Batman’s back…chills (I WAS WAS WONDERING WHAT WOULD BREAK FIRST…YOUR BODY…OR YOUR SPIRIT!!!) YES.  Sorry, had to get that out of my system.  The fight scenes were so amazingly choreographed and beautiful.  The utter brawls between the two were glorious.  No CGI crap, no weapons.  Literal brawling.  Amazing.

Haaaa, I See What They Did There…

Catwoman.  Hot shit.  I never knew Anne Hathaway could act.  I didn’t see Brokeback Mountain but I heard she was great.  But my knowledge of Miss Hathaway is strictly from The Princess Diaries.  (Shut Up, I watched them for the storyline).  I thought she was just playing herself.  Anne did an amazing job portraying Catwoman, and being a Michelle Pfeiffer purist, she won me over with ease.  The little subtleties Nolan did to the costume were impeccable.  The cat ear eye piece…genius.  Anne Hathaway is my new favorite actress because of this movie.  She could literally come out with a new movie entitled “Anne Hathway taking a dump while reading the newspaper” and I would shell out fifteen bucks to watch it in 3D, because that would be the most riveting dump you will ever witness.  

Never Gets Old…

So, that’s my take on the new Batman.  Hopefully you agree, if not I’m sure I’ll hear about it.  I have yet to hear a negative review from someone about this movie.  Which is good, because it doesn’t deserve one.  While nothing will top the second Batman movie with the Joker (not the Penguin), this was a nice ending.  Kudos for Nolan for pulling an Inception of an ending…did he die?  Seriously…did he?  Please feel free to discuss, because I’ve been going over this since I saw it opening night.  Autopilot or not…six mile radius.  Bale should be a Bat smear on the ocean floor.

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