Hello Faithful Readers!

Come visit Five and Dime Comics this weekend at the Hynes Convention Center in Boston, Ma at the Boston Comic Con this weekend!  Mention my blog and get a free print of your favorite strip!  Do your favorite Tumblr a favor and go like their Facebook page?  For me, please?  Hope to see you all this weekend!

It’s geek week!  In correspondence with my good friends at Five and Dime Comics, I am going to keep the party going in the best way I can, ridicule and name calling!  The word geek is thrown around so much lately, especially with the new found fad of being a geek, which I touched upon in a previous post.  However, many people are ignorant to the fact that there are many kinds of geeks.  “But that’s impossible!”, you may say, “I’ve seen many a mouth breather, Greg, and they’re all the same!”  Nay! Faithful reader, you have much to learn.  There are geeks, dorks and nerds, many of which have their own subcategories.  I myself am a geek, and have been since I was a wee little sexy GPete.  Here are my top three favorite types of geeks:

3.) The Internet Geek

But Moooooommmm, he made fun of my Night Ellllffff!!!

This can break down into many subclasses, but I will make a generalized topic for you, so you don’t get to overwhelmed.  The internet geek is that person that hides behind a computer screen, talking in 1337 speak, peacocking around the internets to make up for everything he or she lacks in life.  This geek can be a dangerous one, as they have a tendency to take out their own life follies on the less fortunate online.  While most geeks are witty and smart, they lack the social skills to take advantage of that in the real world.  Hiding behind a keyboard helps with this, and lets the internet geek run free in the wild fields of the world wide web.  This geek trolls around forums, on World of Warcraft and other online games.  You can spot this geek making Chuck Norris jokes in the Barrens chat, or being the first one to point out your DPS is shitty compared to his 1337 facerolling hunter.

I Also Did Your Mom…Just Sayin’

This geek will take any advantage of the other feeble quiet geeks online who have yet to embrace the online douchebaggery.  These geeks are the elite football players of the internet.  While they endure the same pants ripping wedgies at school as normal geeks, they take their frustrations out online, making other people feel as shitty as they do.  This is a dangerous geek that other geeks often look down on, because nobody likes a troll.  Remember that, you acne ridden freak when you wake up sobbing in your crisco soaked pillow.  Your DPS may be better, but you will never touch the warm flesh of a female body. 

Psh, Who Needs the Prom, I Can Slow Dance with My Desktop N00b

2.) Card Game Geeks

This is Funny on So Many Levels…Although 4 Power is a Bit Much…

This is one of my personal favorites.  I’ve played every card game under the sun competitively, even Yu Gi Oh!  I know, I’m just as ashamed.  I revel in competition, and this is where it’s at.  Card game geeks are mostly nice people that are always willing to give you a pickup game.  When you play competitively, you find the ones that are too good for their own good.  They start to dwell in the Internet Geek range, and many of them double dip.  I like card game geeks because, while elitist, they are always willing to lend a hand and engage in a hour long geek conversation, even if it is to explain to you how shitty you played and why they are better than you. 

JUST ATTACK ME!!!

These geeks do love a good game, and they are fierce.  I’ve made many friends in this circle of geeks, but there are a select few that are just terrible people.  Depending on the game you play, you get a bigger range of people.  I used to be a Gym Leader for my local Pokemon league when I was 16, and I look back at that time fondly.  I taught so many kids how to play and I loved it.  Card games help kids that otherwise have a hard time making friends have a gateway to a group.  Just don’t be a douchebag.  I’m just saying. 

1.) Comic Book Geeks

Worst. Stereotype. Ever.

Aaaahhh my all time favorite.  There is honestly nothing bad I can say about this kind of geek.  They are some of the friendliest, nicest people I have ever met.  My best friends are comic geeks, and while I pale in comparison in comic knowledge, I like to think of myself as a comic geek.  A comic geek is someone that is very passionate, and will have discussions about stories, arcs or characters for hours.  Debating comic books is once of my favorite past times.  Debates such as whose power is shittier?  What is better, Marvel or DC? (Marvel) and why does everyone hate Jubilee? run rampant in comic stores and parent’s basements across the world.  The comic geek has become the most well known geek as of late, with super hero movies being cranked out faster than Wolverine titles.  While many comic geeks are not too happy with this, I embrace it.  Let the normal people have fun with it, maybe then our kind will find acceptance.  Once day we will be viewed as gods!  Not En Sabah Nur gods, but still! 

Research Was Clearly Not Done Since They’re Buying an Issue of Red Robin…

All in all, geeks are good people.  Deep down they’ve been made fun of, tormented and wedgied just like all of us.  Before you knock it, try it.  If all you’ve ever known in life is football, beer and women, pick up a comic, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.  Everyone has a vice, and comics are just that.  I look forward to Wednesday every week.  (New comic day to all you non-geeks).  It breaks up the week and makes the day even more special.  So next time you’re about to make fun of that acne ridden mouth breather, take a deep breath and try talking to them.  Everyone has a little geek deep within them, and I don’t mean Ant Man, heeeyyyooo. 

Damn Bubbles!

Everyday is the fourth of July.  You could have every day off from school or work if Jubilee was president.  Wanna go get dinner?  Boom fireworks.  Bad day at work?  Boom fireworks.  Stuck in a two hour traffic jam?  Boom fireworks. Find me one person that doesn’t enjoy a good fireworks show, and I show you a terrible human being.  But no, you, faithful reader, much like 90% of the comic fans of the world, hate Jubilee.  For no good reason.  There are a certain number of comic characters that have been created where the writer was just bored, insane or just had a bad day and wanted to take it out on the world.  M.O.D.O.K., Mole Man, Stilt Man and any character that was in Spider Man: Maximum Clonage are just a few off the top of my head.

Why Do You Hate Us???!!!

Geeks are ruthless.  They have all this pent up hatred from living sheltered, torturous lives and they take it out on any poor unfortunate outlet they can find.  Be it online gaming, message boards or innocent comic book characters, many have been the victim of nerd rage.  Jubilee has been a victim too many times, and in my mind, it has been totally unwarranted.  I can see why.  You’re jealous.  You wish you were/was going out with a hot girl who hangs out with the X-Men who can shoot goddamn fireworks from her hands.  Her best friend is Wolverine for Christ’s sakes!  But no, instead of embracing her for the awesome character she is, you hate her and make crappy, slanderous posts in anonymous message boards about her.  Plus she’s the only Asian comic character that isn’t in some way a ninja!  Jubilee: Breaking Stereotypes!  Much to your chagrin, she’s here to stay…and now for all eternity (more on that later).

When I was in elementary school, I saw Jubilee in the X-Men cartoon and instantly fell in love.  Don’t laugh, all you fellow geeks had cartoon crushes too.  I’ll be so bold as to tell the Internet community I also had a crush on Gadget from Rescue Rangers.  Hey!  The 9 year old mind doesn’t grasp adult concepts okay?

WHY DOES THIS EXIST AS A THING!!!???

So Jubilee and I were tight.  She got me to read more X-Men comics, which is a plus, which further delved me into geekdom.  Soon, I was reading and watching Spider-Man, and various other Marvel titles.  The rest is history.  Many people laugh at Jubilee’s power, but dammit, if someone attacks me, I’d rather be able to shoot fireworks in their face than be ugly and fat(Blob), have a gross long tongue and a spinal issue(Toad) or be an uptight clown who shoots lasers out of his eyes, doomed to a lifetime of being called four eyes(Cyclops).  So think before you make fun of Jubilee, if could be a lot worse.  Christ, you could be Boom Boom.  What the hell is that?!  Make an older, skankier version of Jubilee and put her on X-Force???  Yeah that panned out well.

“I’m Goin Ta Tha Store For Some Scratch Tickets and Depends…Anyone Need Anythin?”

My love for Jubilee never waned, and soon, the X-Men video game came out on PS2 and she was voiced my none other than Danica McKellar(Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years), my lifelong crush and future wife.  She doesn’t know it yet, but it’ll happen.  We all know that’s why I’m really single.  I’m saving myself for her.  I will be the Kevin to her Winnie.  Math is sexy, Danica, you can teach me long division any day.  I digress.  Anyways, Jubilee soon lost her powers in the comics to M-Day.  I was devastated.  How dare they!?  Toad still kept his Goddamn powers.  While she remained in the background, she would make the occasional guest appearance and they even did a very heartfelt story on her, post power loss.  I could live with it.  But soon things took a turn for the worse.

I Know My Calculus, It Says U + Me = Us…

One day, the Marvel writers woke up and collectively said, “how can we steal more money from our 75% male audience?”  One guy raises his hand and says, “Let’s cash in on Twilight, boys ages 8-15 like that right?!”  ::Applause::  The X-Men vs. Vampires story was born.  I will cut the explanation of what happened, but in short, Cyclops is an asshole and Jubilee was turned into a vampire.  If the world didn’t hate the poor girl enough, now the males of the comic world had that against her.  If there is one thing male comic fans hate, it’s Twilight.  Jubilee + Twilight = The Comic Apocalypse.  Poor Jubilee is doomed forever to be a blood sucking vampire, shunned by her comic friends and geeks everywhere.  But you know what?  I’ll still stand up for her.  She may not be able to shoot fireworks from her hands anymore, but goddamn it, now she’ll snap your neck and drink your innards.  I feel bad for Jubilee and I don’t understand where the hate comes from.  Maybe it really is jealousy.  I’ll go with that.  I would be jealous too.  Damn, I want to hang out with the X-Men.  Jubilee has saved their asses on many occasions too!  The girl has pulled her weight!  She was one of the founding members of Generation X!  That even got a tv movie made of it!  I know..it was horrible.  But back when it was made, comics were still considered anticulture, unlike today where they bust out a new comic movie every three months.  Thank you Jubilee for the upcoming Avenger’s Movie!  I don’t care what you say, I stand by my comic girlfriend.  You can have your Wolverines and Iron Men and Captain Americas.  I won’t sell out, Jubilation Lee is the one of the best damn X-Men ever created!

Yeah, You Wouldn’t Mess With Her Either…