Well it’s been a bit, I’ve been super busy and I finally have a night to sit down and write. I am dvr’ing the Voice right now so I can watch it commercial free later. Eat it corporate sponsors! I toyed with a few topics for the night, but I thought I would take the serious route. Life’s been getting me a bit down lately, and I found myself, like many others, wishing they had a second chance on some things. Ever wonder what would happen if you knew back then what you know now? Jeez, would I make some changes. For one, I’d totally stalk Danica McKellar, since her choice in men is clearly horrible, I would have had quite the shot. But, alas, there is no reset button in life. No matter how much we wish it, holding down that gray button on the old school Nintendo when you fail at something in life won’t make any difference. Except when hunting ducks or dropping Mario in a pit on your last life. Old Skool Nintendo represent! So here’s a few things I’d change…
I love my Anthropology degree, love love love it. I know so much random crap about random crap, it’s stupid. As I’ve said before, it’s a great conversation piece, and helps a lot while watching Jeopardy or the Discovery Channel with friends, but it hasn’t done two craps for me in my life. Yes, having a degree has helped me get a good job, but if I actually focused it in something useful, I could be much farther in life than I am now. I love computers and techy stuff. That would have been great. Politics, advertising, writing, hell even ::shudder:: business. But, alas, 18 year old Greg really wanted to dig up ancient artifacts and talk about mythology in every goddamn paper he wrote. I would go back and smack myself in the face and make myself change my major. I could still study the stuff I loved, in fact I would probably know the same amount of stuff. I just wouldn’t be mocked at job interviews EVERY GODDAMN TIME, when they ask what I was thinking when I got my Anthropology degree.
My Nephew Majored in Anthropology…You Know Where He Is? Dead.
When you’re a kid, you are told to eat your vegetables, hold off on the cookies and not eat an entire pizza by yourself. A pox on that my friends. My eating habits are so terrible, the mom from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo would shake her head at me. Dear young Greg: “Eat a goddamn salad you fat piece of crap, it won’t kill you. No, it will not taste like delicious meat, but your colon and your heart need it.” Changing eating habits at 30 years old is like detoxing. You come to crave crappy foods. If I have a rough day, I’ll be on a Hershey bar faster than a hormonal, emotional, stereotypical girl whose boyfriend just dumped her for a supermodel. I love me some chocolate. When faced with choices for dinner, I pick meat. I don’t care how that meat comes, and my only decisions are chicken or beef, and “Can I put bacon on that”. Living this lifestyle is rough, and I am making little changes to better my eating habits so my heart doesn’t explode in a blind ball of heated grease and fury. It also requires me to work out two hours a night for at least four to five days a week so I don’t chub up again. Each day I don’t stop at McDonald’s after working out for two hours is a small victory. It’s like goddamn trench warfare, and my heart is getting boot rot. That was gross, I’m sorry, I was trying to make a World War 1 reference.
Be Thankful I Gave You This and Not the Picture for “Boot Rot”
This is way different from my degree. This is also the most important. I would be set if I took the time to research college and how it would affect me in my future. Firstly, I would not have went to a goddamn 110,000 dollar private school. What the hell. Student loans are the devil. I am disgusted with how this country treats its newly crowned “adults”. Now I’m not saying people shouldn’t pay for school. This is a huge debate right now, and I won’t go way into detail, but you know what would solve most of it? Education. When I was applying for colleges, my useless guidance counselor said, “yeah, this one’s good…go here”. Stupid 17 year old Greg went “Yeah! College!” and signed my life away. Student loan companies circle innocent, idiotic 17 and 18 year olds like sharks. They never explain, or at least they didn’t to me, what having student loans entail. They never told me the breakdown, or what I would have to pay when I graduate, or that these bastards would be following me around like a mortgage for a long, loooonnnggg time. If I could have a do over…just one, it would be for this. The debate and problems in this country would be all but over if kids were just taught what it meant. No one should trust a 17 or 18 year old with a decision like this. It’s horrible. The system is flawed and it has caused so much of the problems in this country right now. Everyone deserves to better themselves, n matter their background, family, or past. If someone wants to honestly give it a go, they should be educated on how. Not thrown a bunch of paperwork from some smirking a-hole probably making 15 bucks an hour to lure teenagers to their financial doom. I’m getting pissed off just thinking of it all again.
Just Sign on the Line and Leave Your Balls at the Door!
Well, that’s my beef. Could have…should have…would have. Unfortunately, my friends, life does not have a reset button, or a redo, or a gentleman’s mulligan in mini golf. I wish it did, but if wishes were like assholes, we’d all have the runs. Ha, that was good. Anyways, that’s that. One day I’ll figure it out, until then, I’m stuck here, writing a semi-famous Internet blog for the masses, eating double cheeseburgers and telling stories of Greek gods at parties. That’s right ladies, I’m single. Come and get some.