It’s geek week! In correspondence with my good friends at Five and Dime Comics, I am going to keep the party going in the best way I can, ridicule and name calling! The word geek is thrown around so much lately, especially with the new found fad of being a geek, which I touched upon in a previous post. However, many people are ignorant to the fact that there are many kinds of geeks. “But that’s impossible!”, you may say, “I’ve seen many a mouth breather, Greg, and they’re all the same!” Nay! Faithful reader, you have much to learn. There are geeks, dorks and nerds, many of which have their own subcategories. I myself am a geek, and have been since I was a wee little sexy GPete. Here are my top three favorite types of geeks:
3.) The Internet Geek
But Moooooommmm, he made fun of my Night Ellllffff!!!
This can break down into many subclasses, but I will make a generalized topic for you, so you don’t get to overwhelmed. The internet geek is that person that hides behind a computer screen, talking in 1337 speak, peacocking around the internets to make up for everything he or she lacks in life. This geek can be a dangerous one, as they have a tendency to take out their own life follies on the less fortunate online. While most geeks are witty and smart, they lack the social skills to take advantage of that in the real world. Hiding behind a keyboard helps with this, and lets the internet geek run free in the wild fields of the world wide web. This geek trolls around forums, on World of Warcraft and other online games. You can spot this geek making Chuck Norris jokes in the Barrens chat, or being the first one to point out your DPS is shitty compared to his 1337 facerolling hunter.
I Also Did Your Mom…Just Sayin’
This geek will take any advantage of the other feeble quiet geeks online who have yet to embrace the online douchebaggery. These geeks are the elite football players of the internet. While they endure the same pants ripping wedgies at school as normal geeks, they take their frustrations out online, making other people feel as shitty as they do. This is a dangerous geek that other geeks often look down on, because nobody likes a troll. Remember that, you acne ridden freak when you wake up sobbing in your crisco soaked pillow. Your DPS may be better, but you will never touch the warm flesh of a female body.
Psh, Who Needs the Prom, I Can Slow Dance with My Desktop N00b
2.) Card Game Geeks
This is Funny on So Many Levels…Although 4 Power is a Bit Much…
This is one of my personal favorites. I’ve played every card game under the sun competitively, even Yu Gi Oh! I know, I’m just as ashamed. I revel in competition, and this is where it’s at. Card game geeks are mostly nice people that are always willing to give you a pickup game. When you play competitively, you find the ones that are too good for their own good. They start to dwell in the Internet Geek range, and many of them double dip. I like card game geeks because, while elitist, they are always willing to lend a hand and engage in a hour long geek conversation, even if it is to explain to you how shitty you played and why they are better than you.
JUST ATTACK ME!!!
These geeks do love a good game, and they are fierce. I’ve made many friends in this circle of geeks, but there are a select few that are just terrible people. Depending on the game you play, you get a bigger range of people. I used to be a Gym Leader for my local Pokemon league when I was 16, and I look back at that time fondly. I taught so many kids how to play and I loved it. Card games help kids that otherwise have a hard time making friends have a gateway to a group. Just don’t be a douchebag. I’m just saying.
1.) Comic Book Geeks
Worst. Stereotype. Ever.
Aaaahhh my all time favorite. There is honestly nothing bad I can say about this kind of geek. They are some of the friendliest, nicest people I have ever met. My best friends are comic geeks, and while I pale in comparison in comic knowledge, I like to think of myself as a comic geek. A comic geek is someone that is very passionate, and will have discussions about stories, arcs or characters for hours. Debating comic books is once of my favorite past times. Debates such as whose power is shittier? What is better, Marvel or DC? (Marvel) and why does everyone hate Jubilee? run rampant in comic stores and parent’s basements across the world. The comic geek has become the most well known geek as of late, with super hero movies being cranked out faster than Wolverine titles. While many comic geeks are not too happy with this, I embrace it. Let the normal people have fun with it, maybe then our kind will find acceptance. Once day we will be viewed as gods! Not En Sabah Nur gods, but still!
Research Was Clearly Not Done Since They’re Buying an Issue of Red Robin…
All in all, geeks are good people. Deep down they’ve been made fun of, tormented and wedgied just like all of us. Before you knock it, try it. If all you’ve ever known in life is football, beer and women, pick up a comic, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Everyone has a vice, and comics are just that. I look forward to Wednesday every week. (New comic day to all you non-geeks). It breaks up the week and makes the day even more special. So next time you’re about to make fun of that acne ridden mouth breather, take a deep breath and try talking to them. Everyone has a little geek deep within them, and I don’t mean Ant Man, heeeyyyooo.