Happy Fat Tuesday everyone! Ah, nothing like a preholiday that endorses obesity and pigging out. So loosen that belt buckle and go to town. Sadly, with the arrival of Fat Tuesday comes another thing…Lent. Lent is a horrible time of year for me, as I usually give up bacon, and no meat on Fridays is pretty much the equivalent of Brad and Angelina giving up adopting African children.
This year, in lieu of giving up bacon, I will be giving up candy, as it is a serious vice of mine, and I often find myself vacuuming up entire movie theater boxes of Skittles and bags of Hershey Drops. (Damn the man that invented those, because seriously, it’s like Hershey Kisses without the damn wrapper!) So here’s to a healthier, less sugary me.
What’re You Having?
Now, I’m going to stop you right there. I know the “You know what I gave up for Lent? Religion!” jokes are coming, because people have zero sense of humor and trolls can’t come up with original material. I am going to tell you why Lent is special to me, and if you still want to make fun of me, so be it. I was raised loosely Catholic, but my grandmother was always very religious. Not the obnoxious, “you’re going to hell for pooping” religious, but the religious you only see in movies. The “I am so selfless, I am going to pray for everyone I know everyday, and love everyone I meet” type of religious. She is and always will be the greatest person I have ever met. I spent a better part of my childhood with her, and she loved me unconditionally and without pause, no matter how much of a little shit I was.
Any Excuse to Use This Picture…ANY
Late last year, I lost my grandmother. It was by far the worst moment of my life, and I still refuse to really talk about it. (A fact I am sure my future psychiatrists will have a field day with). I have always practiced Lent because of her, and also because I like to test my willpower. I always like to prove I can do something. I can’t call my Catholic, I can’t really call myself anything. I believe in it all, to a point. As my friend once put it - “You’re a bad Christian, and an even worse Pagan.” I’ve never been one to settle, and I always will have my unanswered questions. However, I always keep an open mind and am deeply spiritual. I never criticize others for their beliefs, and I suggest you do the same. (Oh internet, you always prove me wrong!)
Just Like This, But With Less Genitalia…
This is the first Lent I have without my grandmother, and I will keep the tradition going. I won’t have that phone call where we make the “I can’t believe you’re giving up bacon!” joke, or the phone call just to say hi. I won’t hear the story about when I was five and I cried and yelled because my grandfather only cooked half a pound of bacon and I wanted the whole thing. I won’t have her to reassure me that everything in life will be okay, because God is looking out for me because she says a prayer for me everyday. I won’t get to call her and argue about politics, or have her ask me if I’m dating anyone, or even talk about the hot Florida weather. Because there will never be another phone call. But this will be my little piece of her that I will always have. So that is why I practice Lent. It could be crazy, but hey, whatever makes you feel good, right?