This Friday, we will be hosting a marathon podcast where all donations go to the Wounded Warrior Project. Click the link, RSVP to the event, and swing us some cash if you can, if not, no biggie, just listen in and have fun. Share the event if you can too. Listen to us talk about stuff, do stupid things, and probably make asses of ourselves! We will have special guests!
You may have seen a lot of hoopla in the news recently about the little grocery store that could, Market Basket, in my own home state of Massachusetts. Long story short, the company was knee deep in a family feud fueled by corporate greed, arrogance, and cheap grocery prices. In the end, the good guy won, Market Basket’s prices have stayed well below the average, and I celebrated by buying a cake for no reason. A few topics reared their ugly heads during this incident. One of which gets my fire burning white hot. Entitlement and the fight for worker’s rights and fair wages.
Whoops..Wrong Family Feud…
The biggest fear of Market Basket employees was that if the beloved CEO Artie T, or “Grocery Jesus” as I like to call him, remained ousted, the new Corporate Sharks that took over the company would slash their wages, take away their 401k’s, profit sharing, and very healthy benefits that have always been a staple at the grocery chain. A social media outburst happened, the national news went into a frenzy, and a tri-state wide boycott happened. A hefty portion of the customers shopped elsewhere, footing the high grocery bills and causing Market Basket to lose millions. Employees protested, people honked in support, and somewhere, acting CEOs Felicia Thornton and James Gooch cried into their giant piles of money. Artie T won the day, purchasing the grocery chain…and all is well…however…is it?
That’ll be $150…Gracias.
Going against my better judgement, I read comments from online jackoffs throwing in their dirty two cents on the matter. Comments like “Shut up and get back to work, you losers are lucky to have a job”, and “You work at a grocery store, you’re lucky to get paid minimum wage” reared their ugly heads. This infuriated me. The fact people thought that these employees didn’t have a right to protest against the possible stripping of their benefits they are used to is disgusting. The word entitlement was used so many times I started linking the dictionary.com meaning in comments sections everywhere.
That Word…I Think You’re Using It Wrong…
When did fighting for a better work environment become entitlement? When in this country did bettering yourself and believing you should make enough money to support your family become laziness? Hell, if I went to work and they told me they were cutting my salary and benefits, I would be outside with a sign faster then you can call me a filthy liberal. Throughout the history of this country, workers have ALWAYS fought for better working conditions, equal pay and rights, and laws supporting the common working person. Let’s take a trip through history, shall we my dear readers?
Too Far Back!
1847: New Hamsphire enacts first state 10-hour-day law
1866: National Labor Union founded
1898: Erdman Act prohibits discrimination against railroad workers because of union membership and provides for mediation of railway labor disputes.
1905: Industrial Workers of the World founded
1919: One of every five workers walked out in great strike wave, including national clothing coal and steel strikes; a general strike in Seattle; and a police strike in Boston
1937: Auto Workers win sit-down strike against General Motors in Flint, MI
1938: Fair Labor Standards Act establishes first minimum wage and 40-hour week
1963: Equal Pay Act bans wage discrimination based on gender
This, my friends, is just a mere fraction of the protests and strikes that this damn country was founded on. But somewhere in the last few years, people (read: tea party asshats and republicans) have starting spouting “entitlement” to brand anyone fighting for a better tomorrow as a lazy, ignorant moron trying to steal money from poor, innocent corporate America. The fact that I see poor and middle class people arguing against this kind of thing upsets me the most. Thanks Fox news…you did it again. This kind of rhetoric preys on the ignorant and uneducated, spreading the fear that the lazy, liberal masses are trying to steal money our of your “hardworking” pockets…#ThanksObama #Benghazi #ICanSeeRussiaFromMyHouse.
That’s in Iraq, Right?
The fight for increasing the minimum wage is on…and if you click this link, you can see how sad it is. The minimum wage has been a hot topic as of late…and I have seen heated arguments all over Facebook. ”Why does someone who flips my burger or rings in my discount clothing have the right to $15 an hour?” I pose this one question to you…If you were either a single parent, or someone down on their luck, wouldn’t you? These jobs are labelled “stepping stones”, somewhere for a person to start and work their way up. To the doubters…have you ever worked one of these jobs? I worked retail for 5 years…and that is 5 years of my life where I lost all faith in humanity. It is a taxing job in which the public treats you like an indentured servant. God forbid you have children that need you to pick them up from school or cook dinner, because your hours are so erratic, you can’t possibly make plans. The benefits are slim to nonexistent, the hours are horrible, and the public views you as an inferior. So before you judge and call someone lazy, look at the facts. I always tell people to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. My personal favorite is the “Stop whining and get a new job!” Excuse me while I walk on down to the job tree after working 40-60 hours to make ends meet and pick one up at the all you can grab job store. Just because your life worked out for the better, doesn’t mean it did for everyone else.
Worst Episode Ever, Marathon Podcast!
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Before I even get started, I should mention I’m listening to Wu-Tang Clan while writing this review. They’re a big part of why I even went and saw TMNT. When I first saw the trailer for this new Ninja Turtles, I hated it. I wrote the movie off altogether. Then, one day, the…
So I’m on vacation this week, and my yearly tradition is treating myself to a terrible movie by my lonesome. One so bad, I would never drag someone I consider a friend to. This year, TMNT was that movie. I want to start this by saying I am not a total Michael Bay hater. I know the geek community has shunned me for this. In their eyes, he embodies the antichrist. The majority of the geek community (especially us 80’s kids) see him as the destroyer of childhoods. A man so powerful and evil, that can destroy childhood memories and hopes in a flick of his billion dollar wrist. I am not one of those people. Michael Bay makes popcorn movies. I used to hate Michael Bay. I hated Michael Bay for “ruining” Transformers. Then I re-watched Transformers, the cartoon. After that I watched the 80’s Transformers movie, and saw all of my beloved characters brutally murdered without a word for a sheer marketing ploy to sell more toys. As I saw Ratchet’s cold lifeless body on the floor of that poorly animated spaceship…I realized something…Transformers was not ruined by Michael Bay, Transformers was ruined by us developing an attention span and creative intake of ideas not fueled by sugar and flashy lights. But I digress…on to Turtles.
I did not hate this movie, but I far from enjoyed it. All of the gripes I read about on the internet: The Turtles looked terrible, Splinter was ridiculous, Shredder didn’t look anything like Shredder…etc etc …I am going to discredit that by telling anyone that uses these excuses to go back and read an Eastman and Laird comic…then watch the original TV show…then watch the original movies. Now insert your foot in your mouth and stop crying…and start listening. Here is why the movie was terrible, in reverse order of hatred of course!
If You Think This Isn’t Worse Than The New Movie, You’re The Problem
No, I’m not going to complain about how he “looked” terrible. Splinter was actually pretty cool. He kicked serious ass, and I loved how he utilized his tail while fighting. That has (to my knowledge) never been done before and kudos to whoever brought that to the table. I will tell you why he was ridiculous (and offensive). Michael Bay is known for his casual racism in movies, which is my biggest gripe with his stuff. But this dug deeper. Splinter was a plain old lab rat in this movie. No Hamato Yoshi. I can deal with that, origin stories are changed all the time. However, if Splinter was not from Japan, why was he wearing traditional sensei robes? Why was he sporting a stereotypical fu manchu? Better yet, HOW IN THE BLUE HELL DID A RAT LEARN ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT NINJITSU FROM A PICTURE BOOK HE FOUND ON THE FLOOR? Yes, I’m serious. Splinter taught himself everything there is to know about martial arts in what seemed like 2 years. 2 years! He then taught the preteen turtles the art of ninjitsu…all from this one book he found on the floor. He mastered every weapon, every fighting stance, and stereotypical Asian facial hair…from one book.
How I Met Your Sensei
I have never been a fan of Mikey. His stupid antics and skateboarding have gotten the Turtles into many messes. He’s almost useless in a fight and always gets captured. He’s the Princess Peach of the TMNT world. My personal feelings aside, he was just horrendous in this movie. All the other turtles portrayed their personas and differentiated themselves just fine, but Mikey…oh man. The logistics of this guy baffle me. Long of the short, Michelangelo is portrayed as a expressionless stoner who is way too horny for his own good. He makes more erection jokes and casual passes at April O’Neil than an 8th grade gym class. Because I take blogging seriously, I just did the footwork and researched turtle mating habits. In other words, I googled “Box Turtle Penis”. Now that I can’t eat dinner, I will put this right here. In case you can’t or won’t open the link, I’ll leave this right here:
THE FUCKING HORROR
What in the ever living shit did Mikey plan on doing with April? Of course his shell tightened! HIS DICK IS 10 FEET LONG. I’d hate to see what they would do with “Donatello does machines”. The sheer logistics of him being attracted to her don’t make sense as it is…but…but…look at that. Mikey was planning on mating and therefore killing Megan Fox. Which isn’t a bad thing because…
1.) April O’Neil
The character of April O’Neil, which has been a staple in my Turtles life, was played by the riveting actress, Megan Fox. That was sarcasm. The italic font was used to show that. If I could have written that sentence in human feces and downloaded it to the internet I would. Megan Fox spent every scene of the movie she was in out of breath. I don’t know what she was doing, but every waking second on camera she was panting uncontrollably. Walking - Panting. Scribbling down notes in the most outlandish way possible because she’s a journalist - Panting. Sneaking up behind the Foot Clan in the NY subway system - Uncontrollably out of breath. Seriously, the girl needs to get herself checked out. I don’t know if it was for dramatic effect, or if the poor woman has a serious breathing problem (which, if that is the case, I apologize profusely), but man that bothered me.
Maybe She’s Still Getting Over This…?
The real issue I had with April was her general uselessness throughout the entire movie. I consider myself a tad bit of a feminist, and when I noticed this, I thought about all of Bay’s recent movies (yes I know he was only a producer on this, but still), and noticed something. Every woman is always running away, crying, or getting captured. April O’Neil has always been a strong character, and in the recent incarnation of the show, kicks quite a bit of ass as she is being trained by Splinter herself. The old cartoon and the old comics always showed her as a fiercely independent woman who rocked a yellow jumpsuit while still whooping foot clan ass. Another weak female character was Karai, who has always been a favorite of mine. Her name was mentioned once in the new movie, and she spent almost every scene yelling or getting beaten up. TMNT has always had a plethora of strong female characters. April, Karai, Ninjara, Alopex…and…I really don’t want to mention Venus…oh God…the horror.
Why Does She Have BOOOOOOBBBSSS?????
Being 2014, I don’t think we should even have to bring this type of thing up anymore…but alas, I know better. I was saddened to see April used as nothing more than a walking sexual innuendo. Her character wanted to be seen as a credible journalist. Sadly, the writers of this movie did exactly the opposite, objectifying her boobs and ass as much as humanly possible. Will Arnett was officially the worst man I have ever seen on camera. I am literally saddened to have a penis because of this walking troglodyte and his ever present rapey face. He spent the entire movie trying to get in April’s pants, spitting out idiotic pick up lines and other jargon. If you want to watch some serious ass kicking, and want it turtle-based, watch the new Nickelodeon show, or pick up the new comic. Both are exceptional in their stories and art. Older fans will also get a kick out of the new uses of old characters and hidden Easter eggs.
Ok, Maybe I Missed This One…
So that’s my take on the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Movie. If you’re going to hate it, hate it for the right reasons. The movie already made a ton of money, sadly, and a sequel has been green lit. I didn’t want to give this movie money, so I used a free pass I had…however, with the current movie market as it is, these types of movies will always rake in dump trucks full of money.
I watched this video this morning and was blown away. I ponder death and life a lot. Whether you believe this message or not, the real question that was posed can move mountains when you think about it. ”What is it like to go to sleep and never wake up?” ”What was it like to wake up after never gone to sleep?”
Thank you guys for the kind words, I was not in a good mood/place last night. I appreciate it and I feel much better today. So here’s some cats in teacups.
Listen in live today at 5pm with the attached link! We will be discussing a whole bunch of random and useless stuff! Call in and leave a message or comment! 1-877-DONG-LOL
written by Peter David
art by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Michele Benevento, Dan Brown, & Andres Mossa
This is probably the greatest thing I’m gunna read for a while.